#funny

That much sexual tension makes me want to hump a phone pole, and that’s just not attractive in a pregnant woman. ↗

— Amy Lane

#sexual-innuendos #funny

There really isn't much use in getting into a pissing contest since I have to sit down to pee anyway. ↗

— Tammy Blackwell

#funny

Once I started I couldn’t put it down. It was so addictive . . . like a train wreck. ↗

— Katie Klein

#cross-my-heart #funny #jaden-mcentyre #katie-klein #parker-whalen

A new baby! Why, Scarlett, this is a surprise!” he laughed, leaning down to push the blanket away from Ella Lorena's small ugly face." - Rhett Butler ↗

— Margaret Mitchell

#ironic #funny

Ish #1 "It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles. ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-quotes #humor #humorous #tags-funny-and-random #funny

Spending one’s last moments prostrated before the toilet is the supreme act of repentance. It allows one to relieve a heavy inner burden. ↗

— Bauvard

#confession #funny #humor #prostration #toilet

What do you think, Galen?" Lady Fern asked in a sugary voice. Galen chewed slowly and painfully, swallowing tentatively. It's very unique," he said, trying to look intrigued instead of disgusted. "It's excellent." Lady Fern looked satisfied and turned to say something to her husband, while Galen added quietly under his breath, "...not." --The Fire Stone ↗

— Riley Carney

#funny #lady-fern #food

She'd made him watch every Alien movie. Most of the goriest scenes were accompanied by his dialogue: 'Ach, that's no' - that's just no' right.... Bloody hell, this canna be right. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny #kresley-cole #funny

It took a long time, but my heart now feels full when I think of him. When you fall in love again—which I have—it's funny the other things that come back in with that open-ness. You have this ghost chorus of the lovers who came before, but they're benign now, they're good spirits. ↗

— Emma Forrest

#funny

If consulted about my conception, I would have taken one look at the two pitiful specimens contributing to the project and considered it a poor investment. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny