#funny

That boy may have been born on third base but he sure as shit ain’t scored a triple. ↗

— Sarah Hall

#funny

There's no time to waste," Kai said. He did a backflip off the tower and ran off. "What is it with that guy?" Jay asked. "Always in a rush! ↗

— Greg Farshtey

#time #funny

Liebe auf den ersten Blick existierte. Vielleicht nicht unbedingt zwischen Männern und Frauen. Aber definitiv zwischen Frauen und ganz bestimmten Klamotten. Ich sah es auf den ersten Blick – dieses Kleid und ich, wir waren füreinander geschaffen. ↗

— Emilia Polo

#funny-quotes #women #funny

Red tape is being mishandled as government wrapping paper. We should be putting it over politicians’ mouths instead. ↗

— Bauvard

#government #humor #politicians #red-tape #funny

When there's an attractive lifeguard on duty I always drown at least twice. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #lifeguards #funny

I wil not calm down. My baby girl is moving halfway across the country.” “She’s been moved away before,” Dad pointed out. “Yeah, but that was with Billy. We all knew he wouldn’t work out. We’re talking about Hank here. Look at him,” she pointed to Hank. “She’s never coming home. Never. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#funny

Well, anyway, this'll be easier than knocking an elf out of a tree. Trust me.' 'How many elves have you knocked out of trees, Stubble?' 'Duraden's bones! Have ye never heard of a figure of speech? ↗

— Ian Livingstone

#dialogue #fantasy #funny #stubble #zagor

While I'm fixing up this idiot. I want you to get some sleep ... and tell Amano that if he bothers you, I'll break his other leg. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#meghan #puck #funny

He loves weed like Alaska loves sex," the Colonel said. "This is a man who once constructed a bong using only the barrel of an air rifle, a ripe pear, and an eight-by-ten glossy photograph of Anna Kournikova. Not the brightest gem in the jewelry shop, but you've got to admire his single-minded dedication to drug abuse. ↗

— John Green

#funny

Flutters awakened inside her as he fitted his hands at her waist. "What if I don't like it? What if I want you to stop?" "You'll have a safe word. The second you say it, I'll stop." "What if I forget my safe word?" His lips twitched. "All you have to do is answer a security question, and I'll send you an e-mail to reset it. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#funny #humor #jason #justine #kinbaku