#funny

Sexton: I think the whole world's gone mad. Death: Uh-uh. It's always like this. You probably just don't get out enough. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#death

Did he die badly?" "Well..." "-Hey, so did my father! Our water was undrinkable for weeks. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #wells #death

I had a dream about you. We were ice fishing in my freezer. I caught a few cold beers, and you wondered if we should drink them, or throw them back because they were babies.
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I like the idea of being out there regularly with an audience and with a funny gang of people. That's what I grew up with - doing television, doing shows every week. ↗

— Eric Idle

#being #doing #every #funny #gang

My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#desire #flavor #food #funny #humor

Or [take] the old cripple worried about choking on his vitamins or tripping if he tries to hobble over that wide crack in the sidewalk. He won’t be bound by mere experience - he renounces it all together as something confusing; the very moment it occurs, it’s forgotten entirely. The young today don’t really live. They take no pills to give their day structure… ↗

— Benson Bruno

#experience #funny #living-life-to-the-full #experience

A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny-quotes #gloves #holding-hands #humor

If I spent ten years in prison, I’d probably come to value the small things in life. Things like good food, a comfy bed, and a toothbrush sharpened into a shank. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#prison #food

I like to schedule dentist appointments for March 32, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dentist #funny #humor #funny