#funny

My name is Mr. Brickton, and this brick, it weighs a ton.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I shit bricks, because I’m a constructive pooper.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a patsy in a murder plot.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Don’t look so worried. I’ve sailed the seven seas, and I’ve never had an unsuccessful adventure yet!” “Really? You’ve sailed all seven seas?” asked Darwin admiringly. “Every last one!” “What are the seven seas? I’ve always wondered.” “Aaarrr. Well, let’s see…” said the Pirate Captain, scratching his craggy forehead. “There’s the North Sea. And that other one, the one near Mozambique. And…what’s that one in Hyde Park?” “The Serpentine?” “That’s the one. How many’s that then? Three. Um. There’s the sea with all the rocks in it…I think they call it Sea Number Four. Then that would leave…uh…Grumpy and Sneezy…” Darwin was starting to look a little less impressed. “Would you look at that big seagull!” said the Pirate Captain, quickly ducking into a beach hut. ↗

— Gideon Defoe

#pirates #funny

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay off my American Express Bill" - Peter Ustinov, 1921-2004 ↗

— Peter Ustinov

#random #funny

A brick could be used to decorate a house. And not just one brick, thousands could be stacked and affixed together and really make your house not only feel like a home, but less drafty too.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

So what can I really do? If you can jump through a two-story window, then what can I do?" "You can do that too. You don't need wings to do it,either. ↗

— Courtney Allison Moulton

#jump #window #wings #funny

We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers. ↗

— Eddie Izzard

#hope #funny

No angel, I undress to impress ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick Finale

#funny

Even her pink bunny slippers seem to prick up their ears. ↗

— Sally Harris

#mother #funny