#funny

She didn‟t look like the athletic type to me.” “Maybe Nemov carried her. He looked like he could.” “He looked like he could carry his SUV. I don‟t know why he didn‟t. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#taylor #witty #funny

Alvin smiled back, and kissed her. "People talk about fools counting chickens before they hatch. That's nothing. We name them. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#counting #fools #funny #funny

If my hair was on fire and llamas came to put it out, he'd tell me the shot was great. ↗

— Erin Dionne

#funny

Mother, you have my father much offended. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#hamlet #sassy #shakespeare #funny

What did you think of him?" Cade asked. "Give me some credit," Zach said. "Guy’s more full of shit than a duck pond. ↗

— Christopher Farnsworth

#humor #funny

Eating be eating, b'ain't it, Birdie?' 'Nay, Uncle Bear: In Caermelor, at the Royal Court, they be so-oh, so much more advanced than anywhere else. 'Tis not done to wipe your fingers on your hair or the tablecloth, or belch, or speak with your mouth full of food, or scratch, or pick your teeth at table. Ye have to use little forks to pick up the food. Ye not allowed to pour wine for your betters or for yourself, but to wait for them to deign to pour it for ye, if they be feeling generous. And the carving of the meats must be done a certain way, and as for the toasts-it would take ye a whole day just to learn the complications. 'Takes the fun out of eating,' observed Sianadh. ↗

— Cecilia Dart-Thornton

#food #funny #food

Coordinating the retreat was important too, so important that Jiaan had assigned Aram as Fasal's assistant, to be sure he didn't overlook anything important. Like the fact that they were supposed to retreat. ↗

— Hilari Bell

#funny #retreating #funny

A robber? In the trash bins? Honestly, Wes. This is Salem Falls, not the set of Law and Order. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#funny

This was so unfunny, Steve had to laugh. ↗

— Mac Barnett

#laugh #unfunny #funny

I will call Guido if i need to ↗

— Amanda Stephan

#funny #guido #humor #laughing #funny