#funny

Only then did I see. Something was amiss with Patrick's snap-on one piece, or "onesie" as we manly dads like to call it. His chubby thighs, I now realized, were squeezed into the armholes, which were so tight they must have been cutting off his circulation. The collared neck hung between his legs like an udder. Up top, Patrick's head stuck out through the unsnapped crotch, and his arms were lost somewhere in the billowing pant legs. It was quite a look. ↗

— John Grogan

#john-grogan #funny

...that was before I'd started thinking about how life stuck on a ship wouldn't be so bad if Elder walked around pantless more. ↗

— Beth Revis

#life

My life needs editing. ↗

— Mort Sahl

#editing #life #my life #needs

Philosophizing: a term defined by logicians to denigrate lyric thinkers. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #logic #philosophy #funny

Buggeration, my arse is bruised beyond relief. ↗

— Arisu Riddle

#funny-formulation #funny

„Mademoiselle Colbert, willkommen im Maison Athène“, sagte die blonde Frau mit einer rauchig tiefen Stimme, die sie - ohne Anlauf - zum Star in jeder Telefonsexagentur gemacht hätte. ↗

— Emilia Polo

#humor #lustig #funny

I am prejudiced: I will never buy food for any minority, no matter how poor, if there is an adorable child with a sweet tooth nearby. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #racism #food

Its funny whenever people who have'nt seen me in years meet up with me again and they are surprised that I'm not as shy and quiet as I was in the past, I credit that to my years of drinking at bars and partys and conversing with people I would never useally talk to, it was then I relized that even without drinking I could still talk to people just as easy. But It is still a little funner with a few beers in me. ↗

— Kenny D. Eichenberg

#drinking #funny

For me, the times I always regret are missed opportunities to say farewell to good people, to wish them long life and say to them in all sincerity, "You build and do not destroy; you sow goodwill and reap it; smiles bloom in the wake of your passing, and I will keep your kindness in trust and share it as occasion arises, so that your life will be a quenching draught of calm in a land of drought and stress." Too often I never get to say that when it should be said. Instead, I leave them with the equivalent of a "Later, dude!" only to discover there would be no later for us. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#funny-but-true #insightful #funny

You mean to tell me, you believe that Jesus was born by Mary without having sex? You believe that Jesus walked on water, he turned water into wine. You believe he made a blind man see, and made a dead man come back to life? This is funny, you believe that Jesus died on a cross and three days later came back to life, then moved a big rock to free himself. You believe THAT!!! But you can't believe in yourself??? When all he did was for you to believe. ↗

— Vincent Edwards

#funny