#funny

Hiking with your feelings exposed to the sun might give you heartburn. And even if you protect yourself by going on midnight strolls, you could trip over your high expectations in the dark. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #heartburn #hiking #humor #walking

We just lost our electricity. You want to tell me what’s so funny about that?” “It’s not exactly funny. It’s more of a good news/bad news situation.” “In that case, hit me with the good news first.” “They’re both sort of rolled up into one.” “Stop stalling.” “All right. Now don’t get mad, but . . .” Smothered laughter drifted toward him. “Cal . . . I’m naked. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#ironic #funny

Better to have to retrace your steps and then move forward than never to move forward at all. ↗

— Anne Burack Sayre

#birthday #children-s #delightful #elementary-school #funny

I don’t need a steak knife to cut my meat. That’s why karate chops were created. I’m like a butter knife, only slightly less deadly. But I’m great with bagels—and disobedient old people.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bagels #butter #butter-knife #creation #deadly

If Duncan was ever into men then he's been so far in the closet he's been living in Narnia. ↗

— Dana Marie Bell

#funny

If it bends, it's funny; if it breaks, it's not funny. ↗

— Kate O'Brien

#breaks #funny

We must eschew anything trivial. We must embrace all that is frivolous.... Trivial things take up all your time and dull your senses, whereas frivolity is meaningful, profound, worth living and dying for.... If we devote our lives to frivolity, the world will be a far, far better place. Humanity will be better able to fulfill its primary goal, that of having a good time. ↗

— Cynthia Heimel

#funny #inspirational #funny

Sometimes you just gotta wear the tinfoil hat. ↗

— Gary Hopkins

#energy-healing #enlightenment #funny-humor #god #higher-self

Well, the plenty of fish in the sea thing is bullshit," I said. "The other fish are weird, smell funny, or hooked on someone else's fishing line. ↗

— L.D. Davis

#funny

The great thing about writing fiction is that you can do whatever the fuck you want, go as far as you are willing to go, and laugh at the people who take it seriously. ↗

— Christian Marotti

#dark #fiction #funny #humor #inspirational