#funny

I didn’t know if I could stop her with one blow. But I could whack the crap out of her. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#funny

The silence protrudes like an engorged stomach, while I ponder the thought of trying to sit on my own lap. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #ponder #surreal #thought

In these modern times, the only sensible thing to be is nonsensical. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#modern-times #nonsensical #funny

Love is an empty bottle, and it makes my heart thirsty thinking how fast I chugged it ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #funny

I look like a biker slut from hell meets soldier of fortune pinup. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#funny #funny

My advice to you: Just be yourself. That’s what I’m trying to do. So, can I borrow your clothes? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

You think you're funny? I think I'm adorable. ↗

— Eric Kripke

#supernatural #funny

What do you want? Where's the goddamn ice I ordered? Where's the booze? There's a war on, man! People are being killed! ↗

— Hunter S. Thompson

#crazy #drugs #funny #random #funny

A good quote should inspire individuals to go lower the world's population one person at a time. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #inspiration #quotes #funny

Fuck all of you," John retorded. "You don't even exist. We're all just a figment of my cock's imagination. ↗

— David Wong

#funny #john #funny