#funny

Put your feet up, order a drink, and watch the chaos. Civilization is in recline. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #relaxing #funny

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. ↗

— Robert Orben

#cereal #chocolate #funny #humor #old

Just relax. Everyone around you is working too hard. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #relaxation #work-ethic #funny

Is that all you bought?” His eyes shot to the left. “Um.” I clenched my teeth. “What else?” “A Super Mega Juicer,” he said quickly. “But, Sabina, seriously that juicer is a miracle machine.” “I’m a vampire, Giguhl. The only liquids I drink are blood and alcohol. I don’t do juice. ↗

— Jaye Wells

#funny

What did you tell them?” “I don't recall. I think I mentioned your discipline and ability to follow orders. I may have said something about you being a team player.” Derek emitted a strangled cough. “Why?” I demanded. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Curran resumed hammering. “I'm sorry,” I said into the phone, sticking me finger into my other ear so I could hear. “His Majesty tends to exaggerate things. I'm not a team player. I'm undisciplined and I have a problem with authority. Also, the Beast Lord can't hammer for shit.” On the roof Derek was laughing his head off. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#derek #funny #kate-daniels #roof #funny

You need to be more careful, or you could hurt yourself." Right. Thank you, Mrs. Detweiler. I never would have come to that conclusion by myself. I was planning on incorporating a backflip into my next walk across the classroom but on second thought... ↗

— Janette Rallison

#basketball #fall #falling #funny #gymastics

Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! ↗

— Robert Louis Stevenson

#funny #funny

As she came closer to him she noticed that there was a clean fresh scent of heather and grass and leaves about him, almost as if he were made of them. She liked it very much and when she looked into his funny face with the red cheeks and round blue eyes she forgot that she had felt shy. ↗

— Frances Hodgson Burnett

#frances-hodgson-burnett #the-secret-garden #funny

S'mimasen," Alyss said repeatedly as they brushed against passerby. "What does that mean?" Will asked as they reached a stretch of street bare of any other pedestrians. He was impressed by Alyss's grasp of the local language. "It means 'pardon me,'" Alyss replied, but then a shadow of doubt crossed her face. "At least, I hope it does. Maybe I'm saying 'you have the manners of a fat, rancid sow. ↗

— John Flanagan

#language #ranger-s-apprentice #funny

What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and world destruction? ↗

— James Patterson

#maximum-ride #funny