#funny

I’m busy, you’re busy, everybody’s busy. I’ve got a lot I want to say to you, though.” “All right,” Pia told her. “Hit me with it.” “First, I’m so sorry about what my uncle Urien did to you guys. I hate him, he killed my family, and we’re going to cut off his head, and then I have to be Queen, but before that happens let’s do lunch, okay? ↗

— Thea Harrison

#pia #tricks #business

It's a funny thing - when I'm crazed with work, spending time with my children relaxes me. Yet, at the end of a long weekend with them, the very thing I need to relax is a little work and time away from them! ↗

— Emily Giffin

#children #crazed #end #funny #funny thing

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever. ↗

— Gilbert Gottfried

#being funny #comedian #funny #given #i

You didn't want to laugh, did you? It wasn't very funny, was it? ↗

— Graham Kennedy

#funny #laugh #very #want #you

I feel like if I'm going to give you a book about my dad, then I really want to give you my dad, because he is interesting and he is funny and if you're buying a book about him, I don't want you to have to sit through stuff that's not him. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#because #book #buying #dad #feel

Sexton: I think the whole world's gone mad. Death: Uh-uh. It's always like this. You probably just don't get out enough. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#death

Did he die badly?" "Well..." "-Hey, so did my father! Our water was undrinkable for weeks. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #wells #death

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#funny #gets #hilarious #hurt #just

Or [take] the old cripple worried about choking on his vitamins or tripping if he tries to hobble over that wide crack in the sidewalk. He won’t be bound by mere experience - he renounces it all together as something confusing; the very moment it occurs, it’s forgotten entirely. The young today don’t really live. They take no pills to give their day structure… ↗

— Benson Bruno

#experience #funny #living-life-to-the-full #experience

A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny