#funny

I got him a cool gift. I got him a pack of razors, and a really furry dead cat.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cats #dead #death #funny #generosity

Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #midget #age

I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

I remember certain people in the audience laughing and I wanted to ask: 'What are you laughing at? This isn't funny.' Now I realize that laughter can come from insecurity. They don't know how they should be feeling. ↗

— Jim Dale

#audience #certain #come #feeling #funny

The books are funny and sad, and that's what people respond to. ↗

— Paula Danziger

#funny #people #respond #sad

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. ↗

— Les Dawson

#furniture #i #living #my own #own

If you don’t know what love feels like, you’re in luck, because I just finished making a new pair of Love Gloves. They’re lined with fur and are perfect for a cold February 14th winter day. I’ll let you borrow them sometime, maybe even this summer. I recommend wearing them in conjunction with my Sensitivity Pants, which are so tight they show the emotion betrayed by your crotch. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#drink #food #funny #hospitality #humor

It's funny, when people talk about the 70s I can tell you the year of every album but when it comes to the later efforts I can't remember the exact years, it's funny isn't it? ↗

— Steve Hackett

#album #comes #efforts #every #exact

Comedy is not funny. Comedy is hard work and timing and lots and lots of rehearsals. ↗

— Larry Hagman

#funny #hard #hard work #lots #rehearsals