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#funny

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #funny




I broke up with this girl, and they put me with a psychiatrist who said, 'Why did you get so depressed, and do all those things you did?' I said, 'I wanted this girl and she left me.' And he said,'Well, we have to look into that.' And I said, 'There's nothing to look into! I wanted her and she left me.' And he said, 'Well, why are you feeling so intense?' And I said, 'Cause I want the girl!' And he said, 'What's underneath it?' And I said, 'Nothing!' He said, 'I'll have to give you medication.' I said, 'I don't want medication! I want the girl!' And he said, 'We have to work this through.' So, I took a fire extinguisher from the casement and struck him across the back of his neck. And before I knew it, guys from Con Ed had jumper cables in my head and the rest was...


Woody Allen


#film #funny #humor #funny

I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.


Bauvard


#funny #humor #funny

Let me get you all some punch,” I said. “You're leaving us?” said Isabel, sounding panicky. “I'll be right back,” I promised. “If anyone comes near you, just scream and run.


Kenneth Oppel


#funny #humor #kate #matt #oppel

You sure are a sweet girl, Scout. I'm half tempted to keep you." "Ummm... Thanks?" Knowing she was a potential Alpha I worried about what "keeping me" might entail. Probably chains. And whips. And maybe a dog collar. And now I was going to have to live with scary Fifty Shades Aunt Rachel pictures living in my head for all time.


Tammy Blackwell


#funny-quotes #funny

You know what love means? It means loving the person you are now and not the person you want someone to be or the person they will be.


Samantha Stroh Bailey


#humor #romance-funny #romantic-comedy #funny

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.


Criss Jami


#anatomy #biological #biology #brain #cognition

Tell me about yourself, Miss Russel." I started to give him the obligatory response, first the demurral and then the reluctant flat autobiography, but some slight air of polite inattention in his manner stopped me. Instead, I found myself grinning at him. "Why don't you tell me about myself, Mr. Holmes?


Laurie R. King


#inspirational #laurie-r-king #mary-russell #sherlock-holmes #the-beekeeper-s-apprentice

That’s the key, you know, confidence. I know for a fact that if you genuinely like your body, so can others. It doesn’t really matter if it’s short, tall, fat or thin, it just matters that you can find some things to like about it. Even if that means having a good laugh at the bits of it that wobble independently, occasionally, that’s all right. It might take you a while to believe me on this one, lots of people don’t because they seem to suffer from self-hatred that precludes them from imagining that a big woman could ever love herself because they don’t. But I do. I know what I’ve got is a bit strange and difficult to love but those are the very aspects that I love the most! It’s a bit like people. I’ve never been particularly attracted to the uniform of conventional beauty. I’m always a bit suspicious of people who feel compelled to conform. I personally like the adventure of difference. And what’s beauty, anyway?


Dawn French


#dawn #dear #fatty #french #funny

I might have skipped class, but I didn't miss any lessons.


Michael J. Fox


#funny

In any given situation there will always be more dumb people than smart people. We ain't many!


Ken Kesey


#funny #intelligence #mindfulness #sincere #truthfulness






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