#funny

Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it! ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #kate #funny

Somewhere in the crowd was at least one potential friend who'd understand the fundamental value of goofing off. Because if not, how boring would that be? ↗

— Alyson Noel

#funny-but-true #friendship

She moved to pinch me again but I blocked her hand. I'm no expert on girls, but when one tries to pinch you four times, I'm pretty sure that's flirting. ↗

— Ransom Riggs

#funny #romance #funny

Haiku sounds like I'm Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#haiku #funny

So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#funny

Eating a plain bagel with no cream cheese is like eating the inner tube of a bicycle tire, and I’d rather ride my roller skates to work. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bagel #funny #funny

He told me his last name was Green. “Green?” I asked. “Can you spell that for me? I’m colorblind. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #green #funny

I don't-" I shake my head. (...) "What? What were you going to say?" This is another trick of shrinks. They never let you stop in midthought. If you open your mouth, they want to know exactly what you had the intention of saying. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#sadness #suicide #therapy #funny

What a funny watch!’ she remarked. ‘It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell what o’clock it is!’ ‘Why should it?’ muttered the Hatter. ‘Does YOUR watch tell you what year it is?’ ‘Of course not,’ Alice replied very readily: ‘but that’s because it stays the same year for such a long time together.’ ‘Which is just the case with MINE,’ said the Hatter. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#funny

And who are you supposed to be? the King of snot-nosed delinquents? ↗

— Michael Buckley

#michael-buckley #ms-smurt #puck #funny