#funny

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #milk #sex

My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

I’m crazy in love. I’m just crazy. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#humor #sex #sleep #age

We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#color #colors #disinterest #funny #green

Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #hug #hugging #humor #love

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#distracted #distraction #funny #humor #listening

They can't expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, 'I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.' What does that even mean? ↗

— Adam Rex

#funny #t-shirt #zoo #age

Does anyone else day dream about what it would be like if specific age groups just dropped dead all across the world? ↗

— Christy Leigh Stewart

#funny-and-random #generation #question #age

Even Dad likes it," said Caddy, and her father agreed that he did. In a way. Being a broad-minded, tolerant, artistic sort of person. Or so people told him... "Oh, yes?" said Saffron, rolling her eyes. "Yes," said Bill, sounding a little bit peeved. "So you thank your lucky stars, my girl, because in some families you would have come home to very big trouble! A nose stud! At your age! If you come down with blood poisoning, don't blame me! ↗

— Hilary McKay

#funny #piercings #age