#funny

Nerd life is just so much better than regular life. ↗

— John Green

#funny #john-green #quote #true #funny

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #money #relationships

I love like a lawnmower in the desert. I love like a solar-powered lunar vehicle. I love like a wind-powered kite factory. Some might even say I love like an ice cube in an oven, but I’d vehemently disagree. It’s not an ice cube, it’s an ice sculpture—of your heart, and it’s melting at this very moment. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

A brick could be used to revive the spiritual movement in America. But are we as a people willing to accept the unacceptable into our lives? Sadly, I’m afraid I’m crying at the answer, which I know to be unknowable. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.
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— Jarod Kintz

#beautiful #beauty #bizarre #corpse #dating

To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gross #odd #piss #strange

A brick and a blanket could be used to show creativity, by making them the subjects of a divergence test. Oh wait, that’s what this is. Nevermind.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Cabel flicks his fingers at her, spraying her with water. Grinning. "Sure. I think I'm pretty lucky. I bet blind people have great sex. I'll even wear a blindfold so it's fair." He bumps his hips lightly against hers. ↗

— Lisa McMann

#cabel #funny #gone #janie #lisa

Do you sleep in a coffin?” Okay, I admit that one was a little out of line, not to mention corny. “Of course not,” he laughs loudly. “I sleep in a bed.” A pause. “Would you like to see it? ↗

— L.H. Cosway

#superstition #funny

For it is written that "if the wise man appears always stupid, his failures do not disappoint, and his success gives pleasant surprise. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#inspirational #funny