#funny

You, lass, have a self-image problem.” Well, that might be a little true, but she also had a mirror. ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#funny #funny

I threw a lit match into a puddle of slime and shouted, "It's alive!" Evolution is my greatest creation. ↗

— Bauvard

#evolution #funny #humor #funny

Knowledge is a funny thing, Auron. The more of it that's in your head, the more your head can hold. It breeds on its own. You never know what the next bit of reading is going to do, what it's going to meet up with in your head and mate. ↗

— E.E. Knight

#funny

I caught a fish with a deep voice. It was a bass. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

I'll take these," Danny said, reaching for the bouquet. Just as Kevin was holding them out – and still trying to keep the chocolates from slipping out from under his arm – a flash went off. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Danny's mother apologized, "I just HAD to! It's so CUTE! I'll be going now. I'm going to… clean up the kitchen. I'm sorry! You boys carry on!" she retreated backwards down the hallway, camera still in hand. They could still hear her as she turned the corner, "So CUTE! Oh my GAWD!" Danny said sheepishly, "Sorry about that." "Dude... Your mother is..." "You have no idea. Uhm, I'll take care of these. Maybe you'd better head on up to my room. Like, before she comes back… ↗

— Failte

#funny

She said, “You disgust me. How do you live with yourself?” So I said, “Like I live with my clone: with many pats on the back, accompanied by high flattery. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

Inconvenience in progress, work is regretted. ↗

— Aravind Adiga

#aravind #funny #humor #humour #last

My life is a code within a code, and I’ll crack both like two eggs and eat my existence like an omelet. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#existence #funny #omelet #funny

Me and my grandma are getting married. Just not to each other. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#grandma #marriage #married #funny

A brick could be fired out of a cannon, in an attempt to bring down a brick wall, just as index fingers could be severed and flicked at politicians, to try to correctly redirect blame.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny