#funny

I do not like onions. It's so funny because I am probably one of the least picky eaters ever. Pretty much any type of new food, I'll try it, I'll eat it. But onions, and pork. Pork and onions. ↗

— Stacie Orrico

#any #because #eat #ever #food

Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It's nature's way of getting you to kick them out when they turn 18! Okaaay. ~sigh~ Due to the times, you can kick them out between the ages of 28-38. Can someone please dramatically reduce the cost of housing, already? ~SHEESH~ ↗

— Dakota Dawn

#humor #inspirational #life #truth #age

The guys on the stunt team are really fantastic. It's really funny, because for all the aggression they have to display on screen, they're actually really happy, good- natured people. ↗

— Miranda Otto

#aggression #because #display #fantastic #funny

I want to learn the language of the sun, and burn Agatha’s eyes out with my love poems. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#language #poem #funny

A brick and a blanket could be used to show creativity, by making them the subjects of a divergence test. Oh wait, that’s what this is. Nevermind.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Cabel flicks his fingers at her, spraying her with water. Grinning. "Sure. I think I'm pretty lucky. I bet blind people have great sex. I'll even wear a blindfold so it's fair." He bumps his hips lightly against hers. ↗

— Lisa McMann

#cabel #funny #gone #janie #lisa

Do you sleep in a coffin?” Okay, I admit that one was a little out of line, not to mention corny. “Of course not,” he laughs loudly. “I sleep in a bed.” A pause. “Would you like to see it? ↗

— L.H. Cosway

#superstition #funny

For it is written that "if the wise man appears always stupid, his failures do not disappoint, and his success gives pleasant surprise. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#inspirational #funny

And you, Lord Bridgerton," she replied in a tone that could have frozen champagne, "are almost as handsome as your brother." Colin snorted again, only this time it sounded as if he were being strangled. "Are you all right?" Miss Sheffield asked. "He's fine," Anthony barked. She ignored him, keeping her attention on Colin. "Are you certain?" Colin nodded furiously. 'Tickle in my throat." "Or perhaps a guilty conscience?" Anthony suggested. Colin turned deliberately from his brother to Kate. "I think I might need another glass of lemonade," he gasped. "Or maybe," said Anthony, "something stronger. Hemlock, perhaps? ↗

— Julia Quinn

#funny #humor #the-viscount-who-loved-me #funny

Love has boundaries, like a map, and I guess that makes me a cartographer. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re too topographical for my taste. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age