#funny

The x-ray of your skull shows a large, flobby mass floating inside. I have to consult my colleagues to be certain, but it looks like a long sausage snarled into a lump. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #sausage #x-ray #funny

Does the giraffe know what he's for? Or care? Or even think about his place in things? A giraffe has a black tongue twenty-seven inches long and no vocal cords. A giraffe has nothing to say. He just goes on giraffing. ↗

— Robert Fulghum

#giraffe #funny

She tried to smile sympathetically, but with her face it wasn't quite possible. ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#funny #funny

Oh, I'm good. Seriously, after all these years, you'd think I would stop amazing myself. But here I am, still doing it. ↗

— James Dashner

#conceit #funny #funny

I'm courteous to most, but antisocial among polite society. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #manners #funny

The inside is packed with people. Lots of them crowding the bar, passing drinks back for people to carry to tables. A bunch of guys are pouring shots of vodka. "To Zacharov!" one toasts. "To open hearts and open bars!" calls another. "And open legs," says Anton. ↗

— Holly Black

#funny

It's not a stereotype if it's always true. ↗

— Daniel Tosh

#daniel-tosh #funny #funny

All of a sudden Yutaka realized he had created a cloud of dust all around him. Oh no! No! This sucks. This blows more than your mama! Hey, now's not the time to come up with stupid jokes! ↗

— Koushun Takami

#funny #mama #yutaka #funny

Henry narrowed his eyes at me. "You going somewhere?" "Lacrosse field trip," I said. "I enjoy whacking the hell out of people with mallets. ↗

— Robin Benway

#laughed #funny

When I said it aloud, it sounded terribly creepy, which is why I had said it aloud. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#creepy #funny #my-blood-approves #funny