#funny

A Strauss waltz becomes so repetitive halfway through, the audience stops listening to it. That's the moment to start waltzing. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #music #waltzing #music

There's a tavern by the docks. He's there most evenings." "Then I'll talk to him tonight," Halt said. "You can try. But he's a hard case, Halt. I'm not sure you'll get anything out of him. He's not interested in money. I tried that." "Well, perhaps he'll do it out of the goodness of his heart. I'm sure he'll open up to me," Halt said easily. But Horace noticed a gleam in his eye. He was right: the prospect of having something to do had reawakened Halt's spirits. He had a score to settle, and Horace found himself thinking that it didn't bode well for this Black O'Malley character. Will eyes Halt doubtfully, however. "You think so." Halt smiled at him. "People love talking to me," he said. "I'm an excellent conversationalist and I have a sparkling personality. Ask Horace. I've been bending his ear all the way from Dun Kilty, haven't I?" Horace nodded confirmation. "Talking nonstop all the way, he's been," he said. "Be glad to see him turn all that chatter onto someone else. ↗

— John Flanagan

#funny

Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then . . . he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying. ↗

— Tara Gilesbie

#funny #my-immortal #art

Depression is not dramatic, but it is total. It’s sneaky - you almost don’t notice it at first. Like a cat burglar, it comes in through an open window while you’re sleeping. It takes little things at first; your appetite, your desire to return phone calls. Then it comes back for the big stuff, like your will to live. Then next thing you know, your legs are filled with sand. The thought of brushing your teeth fills you with dread, it seems like such an impossible task. Suddenly you’re living your life in black and white – nothing is bright, nothing is pretty anymore. Music sounds tinny and distant. Things you found funny seem dull and off-key. ↗

— Lisa Unger

#psychological #suspense #funny

There was talk of the Centaur being moved into the elephant cages to make room for a banjo-picking Minotaur. Surrendering his meager furnishings to a musical half man half bull was all bull. ↗

— Don Roff

#centaur #funny #minotaurs #music

I place a higher value on human life than on no human life. But only barely.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humanism #humanistic #humor #life #relationships

Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can." Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?" Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?" "Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries." Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom." ... I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand." "I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said. "And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny

When someone wants to become an astronaut and others are skeptical that will ever happen, I suddenly understand why the world is too small for that person. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #love #dreams

The thought of being with Shay Wilder makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a butter knife ↗

— Lisa McMann

#fade #funny #lisa-mcmann #dreams

I’m waiting with baited breath to hear that silver tongue of yours. ↗

— Jodie B. Cooper

#paranormal-romance #quote #romance #sídhí #young-adult-romance