#funny

Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda) ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#funny #humor #funny

Maybe they know what I know, that the true way to a man's heart is six inches of metal between his ribs. Sometimes four inches will do the job, but to be really sure, I like to have six. Funny how phallic objects are always more useful the bigger they are. Anyone who tells you size doesn't matter has been seeing too many small knives. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#laurell-k-hamilton #funny

I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#relationship #trust #funny

Dogs have their day but cats have 365. ↗

— Lilian Jackson Braun

#dogs #funny #funny

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#considerate #funny #humor #jarod-kintz #mail

Dude. Hot Bozo. Best nickname ever. ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#cynthia-hand #funny #unearthly #funny

Daemon!" Dee called from the kitchen. "I need your help!" "We should go see what she's doing before she destroys your kitchen." He rubbed his hands down his face. "It's possible. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#dee #disaster #funny #katy #funny

Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #humor #number-one #urinal-cake

I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

Last time I had sex I was so good I got a standing ovation. Well, actually, I just got the clap. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#sex #std #funny