#funny

I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #genitals #hilarious #humor #naughty

My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health." - City of Bones (said by Jace Wayland) ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-bones #entertainment #funny #humor #jace-wayland

Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you've been here all night?" "Frank!" Annabeth's ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it." "Kissed a couple of times," Percy said. Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #humor #kissing #lol #oh-my-god-percy

Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet." "You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed. He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals." I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared. "Oh, very funny!" I yelled. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#romance #funny

The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#gender-stereotypes #men-and-women #funny

A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. ↗

— Barbara Corcoran

#back up #comes #estate #funny #funny thing

A good artist is willing to die many times over. What's funny is, I've died so many times. ↗

— Billy Corgan

#die #died #funny #good #i

Honestly, as much as I love my brother, I’m not sure how I feel about him hanging out in your bedroom.” He reached out with a muscular arm and used his fingers to brush a few strands of hair off my cheek, tucking them behind my ear. I shivered, and he smiled. “I feel like I need to mark my territory.” “Shut up.” “Oh, I love it when you get all bossy-pants. It’s sexy. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#funny #katy #funny

If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents. ↗

— Marcelene Cox

#blame #first #if at first #parents #succeed

Here," Myrnin said, his voice still gentle and low. "Amelie said you had to work. No one said you had to work alone." He picked up the next part and slotted it in, took the screwdriver from Claire's numbed fingers, and fastened it with a couple of deft, fast movements. "I'll be your hands." She wanted to cry, because it was so sweet, but it wouldn't do any good. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #morganville-vampires #myrnin