#funny

the table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#science-humor #funny

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#fine #i #level #low #me

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect. ↗

— Alanis Morissette

#just #love #love you #perfect #way

I never thought it was fair that anatomy decided what my brain was fit for. ↗

— C.J. Redwine

#funny #funny

There are very few personal problems that can't be solved with a suitable application of high explosives. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#t-shirt-sayings #funny

So what I do now is to pre-empt that by making the up into a virtue, and telling funny stories about how crap I am before people have a chance to notice it for themselves and think maybe I haven't realised. ↗

— Emily Mortimer

#am #before #chance #crap #funny

Jon Stewart hires people that he thinks are funny. That's it. That's the only requirement. ↗

— Olivia Munn

#hires #jon #jon stewart #only #people

Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #shame #funny

I was going to pour a pile of garbage on some politicians, but I didn’t want to create a monument to stupidity. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #politics #funny

Who’s there?” “The scratcher of your itch,” he said. She opened the door a crack and stuck her nose out. “Was that supposed to be romantic? ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#romance #romantic-comedy #funny