#funny

Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #shame #funny

I was going to pour a pile of garbage on some politicians, but I didn’t want to create a monument to stupidity. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #politics #funny

Who’s there?” “The scratcher of your itch,” he said. She opened the door a crack and stuck her nose out. “Was that supposed to be romantic? ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#romance #romantic-comedy #funny

If I let you go are you going to hit me again?” “What do you think?” “Then I’m not going to let you go. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#funny #humour #romance #funny

If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty. ↗

— Olivia Munn

#funny #go #honesty #jokes #most

Fifteen minutes later, a meeting was called. "Okay, look." Deb's face was dead serious. "I know I just joined this project, and I don't want to offend anyone. But I'm going to be honest. I think you've been going about this all wrong." "I'm offended," Dave told her flatly. ↗

— Sarah Dessen

#sarah-dessen #what-happened-to-goodbye #funny

It is possible in this world to be pretty and funny and successful all at the same time. ↗

— Olivia Munn

#possible #pretty #same #successful #time

I got to play with Nintendo's Wii, yes it's a funny name and not very revolutionary but it was fun whipping your arms around. ↗

— Olivia Munn

#around #fun #funny #got #i

Noah held my hand and my bag as he escorted me to the third floor - the Women's Pavilion. The elevator bell rang and the doors opened. "Jesus, Echo, circulation in my hand would be a good thing," said Noah. "Sorry." I tried to let go, but Noah kept his fingers linked with mine. ↗

— Katie McGarry

#echo-emerson #funny #katie-mcgarry #love #noah-and-echo

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money? ↗

— Ogden Nash

#buying #certainly #did #ever #funny