#funny

So it's true what they say about warlocks, then?" Alec gave him a very unpleasant look. "What's true?" "Alexander," said Magnus coldly, and Clary met Simon's eyes across the table. Hers were wide, green, and full of an expression that said Uh-oh. "You can't be rude to everyone who talks to me." Alec made a wide, sweeping gesture. "And why not? Cramping your style, am I? I mean, maybe you were hoping to flirt with werewolf boy here. He's pretty attractive, if you like the messy-haired, broad-shouldered, chiseled-good-looks type." "Hey, now," said Jordan mildly. Magnus put his head in his hands. "Or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways, Is there anything you aren't into?" "Mermaids," said Magnus into his fingers. "They always smell like seaweed." "It's not funny," Alec said savagely, and kicking back his chair, he got up from the table and stalked off into the crowd. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#cassandra-clare #city-of-fallen-angels #clary-fray #funny #humor

Oh, and I need to known where Jersey is and if I have enough money to buy it. ↗

— Anna Banks

#funny #humor #of-poseidon #funny

There is nothing more awful, insulting, and depressing than banality. ↗

— Anton Chekhov

#funny #inspiring #funny

You are the devil to talk to, Rachel," he said curtly. "Will you shut up and listen? ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor #funny

In my opinion, all boyfriends should turn out to be secretly wealthy. ↗

— Claudia Gray

#funny #money #wealth #funny

Mom lies down next to me and we both stare at the ceiling in complete silence. “Boys are like candy,” she suddenly says. I grin. “Really, Mom? That’s your advice? Boys are like candy. What is that? Forrest Gump on teens? ↗

— Rucy Ban

#daughter #funny-humor #inspirational #mother #teenage-love

One time when somebody showed up in a wedding dress, but I never knew if it was a joke, or she was serious. She asked me to marry her. She was serious. It was pretty funny. ↗

— Bryan White

#dress #funny #her #i #joke

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. ↗

— Ron White

#believe #find #given #gives #i

I wear black skinny-fit jeans - I can't get away from them. It's funny because I wore baggy jeans for ages, then one day my friend convinced me to try on a skinny pair and I thought they were great. ↗

— Shaun White

#away #baggy #because #black #convinced

I'm opening up my heart to the idea of dating. It's funny - my friends would always come to me for romantic advice. I know nothing, and things have changed since I was dating in high school! I'm really trying hard to spend this time working on myself. ↗

— Olivia Wilde

#always #changed #come #dating #friends