#funny

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man. ↗

— Bertrand Russell

#democracy #funny #humour #politics #revolution

Ride?" Rhage snorted. "Please. That thing is a sewing machine with an air dam taped to it. My GTO could dust the fucker in fourth gear from a dead stop." When there was an odd sound from behind, John looked back. So did the three Brothers. "What." Xhex bristled and crossed her arms over her chest. "I can laugh, you know. And that's . . . pretty damn funny." Rhage beamed. "I knew I liked you. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#funny

Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK. - Jane ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor #insane-in-the-membrane #funny

I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves start blushing and turning red. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#embarrassing #fall #funny #humor #leaves

Isn't it weird," I said, "the way you remember things, when someone's gone?" What do you mean?" I ate another piece of waffle. "When my dad first died, all I could think about was that day. It's taken me so long to be able to think back to before that, to everything else." Wes was nodding before I even finished. "It's even worse when someone's sick for a long time," he said. "You forget they were ever healthy, ever okay. It's like there was never a time when you weren't waiting for something awful to happen." But there was," I said. "I mean, it's only been in the last few months that I've started remembering all this good stuff, funny stuff about my dad. I can't believe I ever forgot it in the first place." You didn't forget," Wes said, taking a sip of his water. "You just couldn't remember right then. But now you're ready to, so you can." I thought about this as I finished off my waffle. ↗

— Sarah Dessen

#macy #waffles #wes #funny

When she absently worried her bottom lip with one of her adorable little fangs, he sighed. The Enemy of Old fucking sighed. Dear gods, it’d finally happened to him. Happiness. Then his own fangs sharpened.I will kill anyone who tries to take this feeling away from me. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny #happiness #immortals-after-dark #kresley-cole #lothaire

You certainly do heal fast. But you'll still have some impressive bruises, so if I were you I'd avoid your father for the rest of the night." "I'll just tell him you abuse me," Helen said with a shrug. She jumped off the examining table. "And I'll tell him you like it," he teased back. ↗

— Josephine Angelini

#lucas #romance-funny #funny

The Friday before winter break, my mom packed me an overnight bag and a few deadly weapons and took me to a new boarding school. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#fantasy #fiction #funny #intense #funny

The dark prince sat astride his black steed, his sable cape flowing behind him. A golden circlet bound his blond locks, his handsome face was cold with the rage of battle, and... "And his arm looked like an eggplant," Clary muttered to herself in exasperation. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #mortal-instruments #simon-lewis #funny

I have studied the astrological musings of the mystics, and I can conclude one thing: of all things cosmic, bowling is the best. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bowling #cosmic #funny #musings #mystic