#funny

I built my marriage brick by brick. And I destroyed it blanket by blanket.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

This is Tez Jones,” I said. “He’s a police detective from Tampa.” “Oh, my,” said Martha, blinking up at him. “Is something wrong?” “Nope,” said Tez, grinning at her and offering a saucy wink. “I’m just the boyfriend.” “Well, then.” She sized him up, and nodded.“It’s about time Elizabeth found someone who deserved her.” “I worship at her dainty feet. ↗

— Michele Bardsley

#funny #funny

The thing that's funny is that everyone thinks I'm dead. ↗

— Charles Nelson Reilly

#everyone #funny #i #thing #thinks

Indignation is often the best defense. ↗

— Diane Capri

#funny #justice-series #mystery #suspense #funny

Reality Sucks, I want my dreams back. ↗

— Sandra Chami Kassis

#dreams #funny #future #inspirational-quotes #life

A fellow who has a funny bone can learn to hone his skills, but I don't think you can develop a funny bone - you either have it or you don't. And by the way - when you get it, we don't know it. ↗

— Carl Reiner

#develop #either #fellow #funny #get

A blanket could be used to not only make promises, but fulfill them too. They're so soft and warm, how could they not be used in this manner?
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Bricks could be used to feed the homeless. But why not use those bricks to build the homeless people homes? Oh yeah, because that’s not the sort of smart decision DC makes.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #sweatshop #funny

She bared her teeth at me. “Screw you, shifter!” “Ah, is our honeymoon period over so quickly? You wanted to jump my bones just a second ago. ↗

— Cori Moore

#honeymoon #humour #innuendo #sarcastic-humor #shifter