#funny

I use blankets like armor for cold.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to knock out the tooth of a giant, and then used as a replacement for that very tooth it knocked out. I’ll tell you what, you knock it out, and I’ll put the new one back in—and I’ll charge a fee for both transactions.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Four bricks could be affixed under a skateboard and used as really inefficient wheels. Ha! Let’s see Tony Hawk do tricks on that board. Actually, he probably could.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used as Concealment Revealer. It both conceals and reveals, like great dialogue. Here’s some great dialogue I wrote for two characters, Mr. Brick, and Ms. Blanket:
 Mr. Brick: I like your dress
 Ms. Blanket: I’m naked, you moron
 Mr. Brick: Tuesdays make me vomit. What are you doing one minute after Monday at 11:59 PM? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dental-insurance #friendship #funny #humor #life

Was it a camp?" Daniel asked. Sean nodded. "A naturist camp." "Maya will feel right at home", Corey said from his spot on a wooden lawn chair. Daniel sputtered a laugh and Sean tried to hide his. "Naturist, not naturalist," I said. "It means nudist." Corey leaped up and spun. "You mean old, naked butts sat on those chairs? ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor-funny #home

I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clone #funny #humor #funny

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#children #fathers #funny #humor #funny

...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?' Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it. I don't say it out loud, of course, because Jerry Lewis is a great philanthropist, Hitchens is very sick, and the third guy I made up. ↗

— Tina Fey

#feminism #humor #women #funny

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny #humor #humorous #irony #satire