#funny

...never touching, never talking, just smiling and keeping our eyes locked. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#funny

There is much to discover that's not on the back cover! ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#back-covers #book #book-cover #book-cover-quotes #book-covers

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cops #funny #humor #mustache #police

I want to broadcast your poem to me over the radio so everyone will know we love each other just as deeply as the people in pop songs. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #poetry #pop-songs #radio #funny

I can't afford my principles. I borrow them from unimpeachable people and return them to undependable people. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #morality #principles #funny

I am a foreigner, but I like to hide the fact. I'd rather people be prejudiced against my personality. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #personality #prejudice #racism

If marshmallows can bring campers together in fellowship, they can unite lovers. That is why they are eaten under the stars, to give horoscopes their influence. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #love #marshmellows #funny

The smaller the dinner table, the better the side conversation: you can gossip about the guests without fearing whether you will be overheard. It just isn't good table manners to exclude someone from their own ridicule. That's why the juiciest side conversations occur at a table for one. ↗

— Bauvard

#dinner #funny #gossip #humor #table-manners

Hank wants to have a conversation tonight. We had a conversation last night! I can’t have another conversation! He’l say shit that freaks me out because he’s, like, in my brain. We haven’t even known each other for two weeks! How can he be in my brain? It’s unreal .. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#funny

When it’s not enough to veto your children’s tendencies, you must in vitro them. ↗

— Bauvard

#children #funny #humor #parenting #funny