#funny

Looks like he's lost a guinea and found a farthing," Horace said, then added, unnecessarily, "Will, I mean." Halt turned in his saddle to regard the younger man and raised an eyebrow. "I may be almost senile in your eyes, Horace, but there's no need to explain the blindly obvious to me. I'd hardly have thought you were referring to Tug. ↗

— John Flanagan

#funny

You want to play video games twenty-four hours a day?" "Or watch. I just want to not be me. Whether it's sleeping or playing video games or riding my bike or studying. Giving my brain up. That's what's important. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#funny

A lawyer, a politician, and a prostitute walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” And I’d have to agree. Serves them right for being so sleazy. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #lawyer #politician #prostitute #sleazy

I’m a romantic. I like cold coffee and orgasms that arrive fifteen minutes after I’ve put on my clothes and paid the lady. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #hooker #orgasms #funny

Yes, I see the Mobile Base System really is the shoulder of the arm. The arm is right there, like a human arm. It's really funny to look at the similarities between a human arm and the Canadian robotics arm. ↗

— Philippe Perrin

#base #between #canadian #funny #human

OY! Stop playing around and lets cook already!" *smack* J-just now, that made a really loud noise.." Do you wanna hear it again?" N-no, you'll just hit me again!" Kyo and Tohru ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#cook #fruits #funny #hit #humor

I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning. ↗

— Katy Perry

#girl #i #meaning #quirky #songs

I was a hop-around. I hung out with the rockabilly crew, the guys who were trying to be rappers, the funny kids. ↗

— Katy Perry

#funny #guys #hung #i #kids

I’m conflicted. On one hand, I want to stay in and catch up on The Vampire Diaries, but there’s this really awesome restaurant I’ve been wanting to try out. ↗

— Jessica Sorensen

#funny #jessica-sorensen #the-vampire-diaries #funny

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny-and-random #humor #humorous #satire #wit