#funny

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God. ↗

— Bill Cosby

#because #funny #future #god #hope

Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?” His eyes flashed. “Got any to spare?” I could’ve picked somebody rational. But no, I had to fall in love with this arrogant idiot. Come to the Keep with me, be my princess. Mourn me when your crazy dad kills me. Yeah, right. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #kate #love #funny

I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ambitious #delusional #funny #hard-work #humor

If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #peace #funny

I like wearing a blindfold while watching movies, so that I can focus on the dialogue. My favorite flicks are the silent movies. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dialogue #funny #movies #funny

There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off. ↗

— Doug Coupland

#being #cheap #cure #funny #lovable

Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#funny #sarcastic #funny

I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dancing #funny #greed #greedy #humor

Wouldn't have pegged you for a dancer," he spoke to my mind "Funny, I would have pegged you for a stalker," I shot back. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#nora #funny

Selfishness is a bad habit. That’s why I always rationally think through my decisions to act without regard for others. ↗

— Bauvard

#habit #rationality #selfishness #funny