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#funny

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #funny




I spend most of my life naked. In fact, I often have to be told by the people around me that it's inappropriate to be as naked as I am.


Adam Levine


#funny #hot #funny

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.


Walt Disney


#any #ever #i #i love #known

Every time you strip my sword, I owe you a kiss. How's that sound?" I bit my lip to keep from giggling. "That sounds really dirty." Patch waggled his brows. "Look whose mind just rolled into the gutter.


Becca Fitzpatrick


#finale #funny #hush-hush #love #nora-grey

Isn’t it so weird how the number of dead people is increasing even though the earth stays the same size, so that one day there isn’t going to be room to bury anyone anymore? For my ninth birthday last year, Grandma gave me a subscription to National Geographic, which she calls “the National Geographic.” She also gave me a white blazer, because I only wear white clothes, and it’s too big to wear so it will last me a long time. She also gave me Grandpa’s camera, which I loved for two reasons. I asked why he didn’t take it with him when he left her. She said, “Maybe he wanted you to have it.” I said, “But I was negative-thirty years old.” She said, “Still.” Anyway, the fascinating thing was that I read in National Geographic that there are more people alive now than have died in all of human history. In other words, if everyone wanted to play Hamlet at once, they couldn’t, because there aren’t enough skulls!


Jonathan Safran Foer


#funny #weird #funny

A dirty diaper doesn’t double as a dishrag, and a politician doesn’t double as a savior.



Jarod Kintz


#humor #politicians #politics #funny

I held in the sneeze, though, by thinking of the word cucumber. It always works.


Merrie Haskell


#sneeze #funny

If I were a superhero, I’d be Honesty Man. I’d be so transparent I’d be invisible.



Jarod Kintz


#honesty #humor #invisible #super-hero #transparent

In the past five minutes, I had managed to tease my libido, scald my crotch, and catch a world-class elbow with my forehead.


B. Justin Shier


#humour #funny

Are you having fun playing with those plastic 3-D models of ears, noses and throats? That’s kind of like what I do, except instead of cute little plastic models, it’s living human tissue, and instead of playing, I’m fucking working, and instead of fun, it’s fucking not fun, it’s serious.


Colin Nissan


#funny #humor #funny

Funny how at twenty-five you worry about not being taken seriously and take being a sex object for granted. Later you take being taken seriously for granted, and worry about not being a sex object.


Helen Fielding


#sex-object #funny






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