#funny

Love should last a lifetime. But not the lifetime of a giant tortoise. More like the lifespan of a gastrotrich. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#condom #food #fruit #funny #humor

Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #wine #age

Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#humor #love #relationships #age

Parker, I'm old," She said matter-of-factly. "I get away with these things." She continued to wave and smile wildly. "People treat me like an idiot so I'm allowed to act like one from time to time. It's one of the perks. ↗

— Abby Slovin

#humor #old-age #age

Shaga: How would you like to die, little man? Tyrion: In my bed, at the age of eighty with a belly full of wine and a woman's mouth around my cock. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#game-of-thrones #geogre-r-r-martin #age

Jay lurched in one direction, jerked back, lurched in another, tripped for no reason. He finally made it through a gauntlet of invisible obstacles and crouched behind a water fountain shaped like a hippopotamous throwing up. ↗

— Adam Rex

#random #age

Love smells like a flower in bloom. A flower that's sitting on a pile of steaming feces. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

Love doesn’t have form (aside from your naked body), but it does have a shape. The shape of love is circular, like a STOP sign. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

Coincidentally, a good age for a Japanese girl is younger than twenty five, because that's when she turns into a 'Christmas Cake'. Christmas cakes, as everyone knows, are desirable before the twenty fifth but afterward quickly become stale and are put on the shelf. ↗

— Andrew Davidson

#humor #life #women #age