#funny

Jesse is a good guy, although I don't understand the infatuation with the spandex he is always running around in. ↗

— Holly Hood

#funny

Funny, they made this new genre called Speculative Fiction, I thought all fiction had always been speculative. ↗

— Teri Louise Kelly

#funny

Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you? ↗

— W.C. Fields

#funny

I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I want to get back and figure out how we're going to make 'The Tonight Show' funny and good. ↗

— Andy Richter

#figure #funny #get #going #good

Being fed, and having a soft bed, and other people being in charge, seemed the most wonderful prospect in the world at that moment. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#funny #death

Her dad died unexpectedly, so I hid the flowers, because flowers are reminders of spring and life, and also of headstones and death. Also, I hid the flowers because they were for another woman. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#flowers #funny #life #woman #death

Since when are you so 'faithful'? just a couple of years ago you would show up in your tight jeans and borrow our car to pick up one of your five girlfriends. You think that beard makes you a man of God? ↗

— Dalia Sofer

#farnaz #funny #insult #septembers-of-shiraz #faith

If I die, who’s going to take care of my shadow? Or will it return to the night, from whence it came? While I sleep at night I keep my shadow folded neatly in my underwear drawer. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#die #funny #random #shadow #death

I’m an idiot. I’m ten times an idiot. God, I could just die.” Then I forged ahead because the last comment was too close for comfort these days. “Not die die, as in not-breathing die, but die figuratively, if you know what I mean.” Lee was grinning. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#funny