#funny

The funny thing is, I'm not really a big reader, not a big fan of books in the first place. ↗

— Macaulay Culkin

#big fan #books #fan #first #funny

She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he's not... you know, better." "Define BETTER with that guy." "Not all fangs and raaaaar. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass #morganville-vampires

She wished there was some place where she could go to hum it out loud. Some kind of music was too private to sing in a house cram fall of people. It was funny, too, how lonesome a person could be in a crowded house. ↗

— Carson McCullers

#funny

He stood and looked at me for a moment, taking in my outfit. "You look hot." "What? Me?" I stammered, completely flummoxed. "Yeah," he said, still looking at me. "Oh. Um, thank you. I mean, not that you don’t, but I’m not sure that you should—I mean …" "Oh, no," Roger said quickly, and I could see that he was blushing again. "No. I mean—I meant what you’re wearing. Are you going to be too warm? ↗

— Morgan Matson

#amy-roger-s-epic-detour #funny #roger #funny

And she didn't once say anything about this being a sin. It used to be I got the word sin slapped in my face every time I did something wrong, but come on, when you live in a sin-free family with sin-free parents and a sin-free sister, well, you can't help but sin a little extra on their behalf. ↗

— Han Nolan

#humor #sins #family

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. ↗

— Phyllis Diller

#best #best way #eat #get #kitchen

Will sat where he was, gazing at the silver bowl in front of him; a white rose was floating in it, and he seemed prepared to stare at it until it went under. In the Kitchen Bridget was still singing one of her awful sad songs; the lyrics drifted in through the door: "Twas on an evening fair I went to take the air, I heard a maid making her moan; Said, 'Saw ye my father? Or ye my mother? Or saw ye my brother John? Or saw ye the lad that I love best, And his name it is Sweet William?" I may murder her, Tessa thought. Let her make a song about that. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny

My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#funny #humor #funny

You know I love you,' said the other mother flatly. 'You have a very funny way of showing it,' said Coraline. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#funny

I stared at the phone in disbelief, then ripped a clean sheet of paper from my notebook. I scribbled ' Jerk ' on the first line. On the line beneath it I added, ' Smokes cigars. Will die of lung cancer. Hopefully soon. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#funny #humor #hush-hush #patch-and-nora #funny