#grandma

I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get dogs pregnant.” -Grandma Mazur ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor #humor

When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: "She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humorous #humor

The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#grandma-mazur #comedy

Carson is an old family name, though my grandma used to watch Johnny all the time and was crazy about him. ↗

— Carson Daly

#carson #crazy #family #grandma #him

My grandmother got approved right before the law changed, so naturally she got grandfathered in. In related news, but completely unrelated, I was adopted.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#adoption #family #grandfathered #grandma #law

You'll see a movie about someone you hate or someone you love. Will you see a movie about grandma making apple pies? No, you won't. Only if grandma has poisoned the neighbor or is suspected of poisoning the neighbor through her apple pies. ↗

— John McAfee

#apple #grandma #hate #her #love

I like watching baseball as much as my grandma’s left ear is loud. (She’d probably give her right ear for a left ear that wasn’t soundproof). 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#baseball-is-boring #ear #grandma #grandmother #loud

I have to tell you, my seven-year-old granddaughter said to my daughter, her mother, 'So what's the big deal about Grandma Maddy having been Secretary of State? Only girls are Secretaries of State.' Most of her lifetime, it's true. But at the time it really was a big deal. ↗

— Madeleine Albright

#been #big #big deal #daughter #deal

I would love to do top of pops as a grandma. ↗

— Tina Charles

#i #love #pops #top #would

We need to go back to the way it was 30 years ago, when everybody had Grandma and Grandpa, and we were willing to pass moral judgments about right and wrong. ↗

— Steven Tyler

#ago #back #everybody #go #grandma