#hum

Liver failure is the easiest way to say 'no' to alcohol. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

No, no. Don't make that face. Every time I propose to you, you make that twisty, unhappy face. It wears on a man's confidence. ↗

— Tessa Dare

#dare #funny #humor #funny

We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #trees #funny

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny #reaper-man #unseen-university #vetinari #funny

Sympathy is why when a man is getting mugged, you let him keep his shirt after you take his life. Funerals are respectable affairs, after all. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #robbery #sympathy #funny

And I'm sure than in Poland, or somewhere, it is considered cool to drive a Porsche and wear necklaces and black silk, but at least back in Brooklyn if you did those things you were either a drug dealer or from New Jersey. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor #new-jersey #funny

Without humor, we’d all be what we’re laughing at. Without arrogance, we’d be humiliated to admit we already are. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

Mr. Vey, you cannot be stuffed into a locker without your consent." Dallstrom said, which may be the dumbest thing ever said in a school. "You should have resisted. That's like blaming someone who was struck by lightning for getting in the way. ↗

— Richard Paul Evans

#consent #funny #humor #humour #lighting

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny-but-true #humor #humorous #humorous-quotes #funny

Life Is Too Short--So Kiss Slowly, Laugh Insanely, Love Truly, And Live With Passion. ↗

— Andy Vogt

#erotic-massage #humor #massage #mysteries #paperbacks