#hum

Carpe Diem, just remember that we're partying on the Titanic. ↗

— Will McIntosh

#humor #sarcastic #funny

I would not wish to marry someone who had already been married. It would be,' she opined, 'like having someone else break in one's own pony. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#immaturity #marriage #humor

We do foreign assistance for altruistic reasons, certainly for humanitarian reasons, of course. But the main reason we do foreign assistance is we do it in the American national interest. ↗

— Roger Wicker

#american #assistance #certainly #course #foreign

And then there was the young male walk. At least women swung only their hips. Young men swung everything, from the shoulders down. You have to try to occupy a lot of space. It makes you look bigger, like a tomcat fluffing his tail. The boys tried to walk big in self-defense against all those other big boys out there. I’m bad, I’m fierce, I’m cool, I’d like a pint of shandy and me mam wants me home by nine. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#home

At the Slavemarket: “How is her disposition?” “Meek as meek can be; we tried training her in the care of sheep, but they bullied her, and drove her to tears.” Iayd turned to Fudail’s henchman Falih. Falih was a bald, fat man charged with keeping the slaves in line. His face bore scars that seemed to indicate that he had just recently tried to rob an eagle nest whilst the eagle mother was still at home. His legs stood knock-kneed and he held his groin as if something serious was amiss with the heirlooms entrusted him. “I swear to you, she is an angel sent to earth to spread kindness,” Falih said, his voice somewhat out of pitch. Something must be wrong, thought Iayd. ↗

— August Renfelt

#femdom #humor #home

Oh! Do not excite yourself. Shall I say that he interested me because he was trying to grow a mustache and as yet the result is poor." Poirot stroked his own magnificent mustache tenderly. "It is an art," he murmured, "the growing of the mustache! I have sympathy for all who attempt it. ↗

— Agatha Christie

#poirot #art

Hey, if you decided to tear up the town, you can always use the leftover bread from my breakfast in place of your cane. I'm pretty sure it's hard enough to bust heads. ↗

— Jennifer Rardin

#death

So it's Mr. Wiggin and Who The Hell Are You.' 'About right,' Bean replied. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#nameless-hero #humor

I've learned over the years that people are human and have mood swings, regardless of how talented they are. Today, I'm looking at life from a realistic point of view instead of the way I would want things to be. ↗

— Otis Williams

#human #i #instead #learned #life

It's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#police #humor