#hum

I met a guy who had an interesting job. He was a meat cutter, or a meat slicer, something like that. I probably butchered his job title.
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— Jarod Kintz

#food #humor #interesting #job #meat

I wouldn’t want the guests at my birthday party confusing my celebration with the Oscars. That’s why I’m having the awards ceremony after we eat cake and I open my presents.
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— Jarod Kintz

#awards-ceremony #birthday #cake #celebrate #celebration

Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli. "I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure." -Morelli And Stephanie ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor #morelli #stephanie-plum #food

Dear Edmond, When I got home last night I noticed that you were asleep. I also noticed that you had gone to Morton's Steakhouse and there were leftovers in the fridge. Renaldo and Ruprecht were asleep, so I examined the boxes a little more closely. On them you had written "Edmond" and underlined your name. And then next to it you had written "Do Not Eat!" So I honored your wish, and I ate all your food, thus removing the temptation for you to eat it. It was great! You're such a great friend, with a strong will, too. But even the strongest wills get tested. I know that just as much as you do. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #rude #selfish #food

Forks are absurd, he scoffed. They insult your food. They make it think you're killing it twice. ↗

— Clare B. Dunkle

#forks #humor #food

Pizza tastes as good as being skinny feels. ↗

— Lauren Leto

#humor #food

I would love a sandwich,' said Tybalt, with enough gravity to make it sound like a formal proclamation. Resolved: that we will have ham and cheese sandwiches. ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#food #humor #food

I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics.
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— Jarod Kintz

#corruption #dirt #dirty #filthy #funny

Every human life involves an unfathomable mystery, for man is the riddle of the universe, and the riddle of man in his endowment with personal capacities. ↗

— Harry Emerson Fosdick

#endowment #every #his #human #human life

When he heard there was nothing to eat, he sat down and wept… “Why did I ever wake up!” he cried. ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#hobbit #humor #food