#hum

Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. "Right. It's just that… He died. And I'm so freaking pissed off, I swear I'd punch him in the face if he were standing right here. ↗

— Kristina McBride

#funny #grief #humor #humour #death

There, just beyond his open palm, was our mother’s face. I wasn’t expecting it. We hadn’t requested a viewing, and the memorial service was closed-coffin. We got it anyway. They’d shampooed and waved her hair and made up her face. They’d done a great job, but I felt taken, as if we’d asked for the basic carwash and they’d gone ahead and detailed her. Hey, I wanted to say, we didn’t order this. But of course I said nothing. Death makes us helplessly polite. ↗

— Mary Roach

#science #death

DEATH . . . And now you are here to fight for this woman. You know her promise is given. She has to die or her husband won't go free. APOLLO Relax, I'm not breaking any laws. DEATH Why the bow, if you're breaking no laws? APOLLO I always carry a bow, it's my trademark. ↗

— Anne Carson

#humor #death

[Nicodemus] 'Magistra DeVega, can I ask for your help?' [DeVega] 'You can ask,' she said with her usual calmness, 'but the clerics haven't developed a cure for death by idiotic leadership. ↗

— Blake Charlton

#help #humor #leadership #death

Still, waking up this early was just wrong. “Why can’t people be reasonable and only die after eleven A.M.?” I whined. ↗

— Diana Rowland

#death

The butcher died, and he requested to be cremated. But I don’t want to burn him, because I like my meat medium rare.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cannibalism #cook #cooking #cremated #death

The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists. ↗

— Yahtzee Croshaw

#black-humor #comedy #death #death

Die, die we all pass away, But don't wear a frown coz it's really okay, And you might try to hide, And you might try to pray, But we all end up remains of the day. ↗

— Danny Elfman - The Corpse Bride

#humor #life #pray #death

It's kinda hard to get yourself into a good three-toweler when you got the dick of death. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humon #simon #vampires #death

Camels can go many weeks without drinking anything at all. The notion that they cache water in their humps is pure myth—their humps are made of fat, and water is stored in their body tissues. While other mammals draw water from bloodstreams when faced with dehydration, leading to death by volume shock, camels tap the water in their tissues, keeping their blood volume stable. Though this reduces the camel’s bulk, they can lose up to a third of their body weight with no ill effects, which they can replace astonishingly quickly, as they are able to drink up to forty gallons in a single watering.” (pp.69-70) ↗

— Michael Benanav

#bloodstream #body-tissues #body-weight #camels #death