#hum

I want to live in a mansion, wear nice suits, and get paid to have my boss grovel at my feet. I want to be the butler to a sycophant. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #sycophancy #funny

Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should save some of it for tomorrow. ↗

— Don Herold

#work #humor

Lord Vetinari lifted an eyebrow with the care of one who, having found a piece of caterpillar in his salad, raises the rest of the lettuce. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Leave it to women to be cryptic rather than straightforward ↗

— Kaye Dacus

#women #humor

I was in no mood to negotiate with the Tampon Terrorist. ↗

— Helene Boudreau

#humor

Aren't the Amish against violence? Yes, but you see, I'm not very good at being Amish...so remember what I say. ↗

— Kelly Long

#humor #humor

I love watching people's faces when i say i live with my daughter and Johnny Depp. ↗

— Diane Messidoro

#love

When you've been around as long as me, Lucy, you'll know that there are three types of sex... One - brand-new, kitchen-table sex. Two - bedroom sex. Then number three - hallway sex, when you pass each other in the hallway and say 'Fuck you.'" - Lockie ↗

— Kathy Lette

#relationships #sex #love

ان الحب العاطفى بين الرجل والمراة شكل من اشكال الحب لكنه شكل متعدد الالوان كقوس قزح.. اما بحر الحب الانسانى نفسه فلا حدود له.. ولا حد لاشكاله وانواعه وصوره ↗

— عبد الوهاب مطاوع

#love #love

I’m fairly certain, Captain,” she said, “that the more you discover about me, the more you will dislike me. Therefore, let’s cut to the chase and acknowledge that we don’t like each other. Then we won’t have to bother with the in-between part.” She was so bloody frank and practical about the whole thing that Christopher couldn’t help but be amused. “I’m afraid I can’t oblige you.” “Why not?” “Because when you said that just now, I found myself starting to like you.” “You’ll recover,” she said. Her decisive tone made him want to smile. “It’s getting worse, actually,” he told her. “Now I’m absolutely convinced that I like you.” Beatrix gave him a patently skeptical stare. “What about my hedgehog? Do you like her, too?” Christopher considered that. “Affection for rodents can’t be rushed.” “Medusa isn’t a rodent. She’s an erinaceid. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#hedgehog #humor #romance #humor