#hum

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

And next time you're planning to injure yourself to get me attention, just remember that a little sweet talk works wonders. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-and-jace #humor #jace #jace-and-clary #love

Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand? ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#faery #humor #julie-kagawa #meghan #prince

I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#life #wisdom #humor

It’s fascinating. You know all these words, and they’re all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don’t make any sense. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace-lightwood #sarcasm #humor

To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition. ↗

— Woody Allen

#atheism #humor #humor

Trains are great dirty smoky things," said Will. "You won't like it." Tessa was unmoved. "I won't know if I like it until I try it, will I?" "I've never swum naked in the Thames before, but I know I wouldn't like it." "But think how entertaining for sightseers," said Tessa, and she saw Jem duck his head to hide the quick flash of his grin. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jem-carstairs #teasing #tessa-gray #will-herondale

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#science #humor

Harry, don't go picking a row with Malfoy, don't forget, he's a prefect now, he could make life difficult for you..." "Wow, I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life?" said Harry sarcastically. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door. ↗

— Jerry Seinfeld

#humor #music #radio #shower #humor