#hum

For desert, maybe we can split a couple of crumbs. ↗

— Nicholas Sparks

#humor #skinny #food

But I don't understand God. I don't understand how he could see the way people treat one another, and not chalk up the whole human race as a bad idea. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#grave-peril #harry-dresden #human-race #harry-dresden

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work. ↗

— Calvin Trillin

#inspirational #humor

Men lie to get laid, women lie about orgasms, and hermaphrodites lie to themselves.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#deception #funny #hermaphrodites #humor #lie

People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

I'm like a stray cat. If you feed me, I don't leave. ↗

— Michelle M. Pillow

#cat #feeding #food #houseguest #humor

Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #boundaries #cartographer #funny #humor

The silence protrudes like an engorged stomach, while I ponder the thought of trying to sit on my own lap. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #ponder #surreal #thought

A good quote should inspire individuals to go lower the world's population one person at a time. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #inspiration #quotes #funny

POZZO: I am blind. (Silence.) ESTRAGON: Perhaps he can see into the future. ↗

— Samuel Beckett

#funny #future #humor #pessimism #funny