#hum

I'm sure that you psychotic necro-wannabes with delusions of godhood are all about sharing with your fellow maniacs. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

What a refreshing mind you have, young man. There really is nothing quite like total ignorance, is there? ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#ignorance #irony #humor

Hurry," she breathed. Man, talk about pressure. He was supposed to get it up while demon hordes were trying to kill him, and Satan himself was knocking at the door. ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor

Damn, Marcus, how much have you been working out? You have the ass of a god. He turned to face her, and naturally her gaze fell to his jewels. She shook her head and sighed. You warriors are so fucking hung and I really do need a man. ↗

— Caris Roane

#humor

100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#humor

Mr. Mancini had a singular talent for making me uncomfortable. He forced me to consider things I’d rather not think about – the sex of my guitar, for instance. If I honestly wanted to put my hands on a woman, would that automatically mean I could play? Gretchen’s teacher never told her to think of her piano as a boy. Neither did Lisa’s flute teacher, though in that case the analogy was obvious. On the off chance that sexual desire was all it took, I steered clear of Lisa’s instrument, fearing that I might be labeled a prodigy. ↗

— David Sedaris

#music #humor

Humor (is) the process that allows one to brush reality aside when it gets too distressing. ↗

— André Breton

#reality #humor

Apparently you don't have to observe the Rules of Etiquette when reuniting with a muderous spouse. ↗

— Jennifer Rardin

#humor

Never underestimate the stimulation of eccentricity. ↗

— Neil Simon

#life #humor

So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over... ↗

— Steven Wright

#plane #humor