#hum

I don't need new boots I got bluchers back down home. Eff the effing bluchers I'll buy you new adjectival effing elastic sided boots. ↗

— Peter Carey

#profanity #home

But I didn't want to be anyone's green card ticket, meal ticket, cook, washing lady, housemaid, personal masseuse, baby machine, regularly-scheduled-hole in the mattress. Only to end up dead, discarded, buried in a ditch somewhere, dumped into the big, blue sea, all used up. Boys should just stay home and fuck their mothers. ↗

— Angela S. Choi

#home

Just give me a second. Attempting to give a fuck...Attempting harder to give a fuck...Sorry, there was an error; fuck not given. ↗

— Suzanne Wright

#humor

The problem with at-home IQ tests is that too many people wouldn't understand the results. Calling customer service is a bad sign. ↗

— Iimani David

#humorous #home

Anya jumped in front of the man, acting as his shield. “Now, Sabin. He didn’t mean any harm. He’s borderline stupid. You know that. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#lords-of-the-underworld #william #humor

Have you made any other friends since we've been here?" I gave him the death stare. "Yes, actually." "Who? I want a name." "Jamie Roth." "The Ebola kid? I heard he's a little unstable." "That was one incident. ↗

— Michelle Hodkin

#mara-dyer #ya #death

Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are guy. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon." "You noticed," said Simon. "I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual," added Magnus. "Please never say those words in front of my parents," said Alec. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#bisexual #cassandra-clare #city-of-lost-souls #funny #gay

What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell. ↗

— Reduced Shakespeare Company

#paraphrased #romeo-and-juliet #shakespeare #humor

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? ↗

— Woody Allen

#humor #humor

Walking around nude in front of humans was not a good way to keep a low profile with the community. It was an excellent way to make new friends, though. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#nakedness #rogue #vincent #humor