#hum

When we see that almost everything men devote their lives to attain, sparing no effort and encountering a thousand toils and dangers in the process, has, in the end, no further object than to raise themselves in the estimation of others; when we see that not only offices, titles, decorations, but also wealth, nay, even knowledge[1] and art, are striven for only to obtain, as the ultimate goal of all effort, greater respect from one's fellowmen,—is not this a lamentable proof of the extent to which human folly can go? ↗

— Arthur Schopenhauer

#stupidity #art

If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#commercialism #core #core-of-the-soul #core-values #devil

Dear Ford, I think my Ford Explorer door is broken. It just won’t close. I think this is because I don’t have the rest of the Explorer, I only have the door. It’s a passenger-side door, and I bought it from a passenger. Also, it doesn’t seem to be able to lock. I think the latch isn’t catching, or something. I think it’s missing some crucial parts, and I’d like to order them from you. I need: one frame, four wheels, a body, another door, an engine, a steering wheel, and some of those air fresheners that you stick in the vents. And I’m feeling frisky with my money, so let me go ahead and order some brakes while I’m at it. You can send the bill to the Pizza Hut on San Jose Boulevard. They’ll just deliver it to me, along with the pizza I just ordered. Thank you, Jarod Kintz ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#e-mail #ford #funny #humor #ridiculous

Money's scarce Times are hard Here's your fucking Xmas card ↗

— Phyllis Diller

#humour #money

A Strauss waltz becomes so repetitive halfway through, the audience stops listening to it. That's the moment to start waltzing. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #music #waltzing #music

I neither require nor desire your gratitude, mistress. I want nothing in these worlds save your death." Volusian to Eugenie ↗

— Richelle Mead

#death

Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#money

Jumping to conclusions is like playing with damp gunpowder: both likely to go off in wrong direction. ↗

— Charlie Chang

#humour #myster #change

I just wanted all the wars to be over so that we could spend the money on starships and Mars colonies. ↗

— Grant Morrison

#comics #exploration #humanity #war #money

We Slovenians are even better misers than you Scottish. You know how Scotland began? One of us Slovenians was spending too much money, so we put him on a boat and he landed in Scotland. ↗

— Slavoj Žižek

#misers #money #scotland #scots #slovenians