#hum

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy. ↗

— Johnny Carson

#entertainment #funny #hollywood #humor #insanity

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties. ↗

— Fran Lebowitz

#humour #funny

He nuzzled my neck, inhaling deeply. “Mmm. You smell so good.” “Oh, yeah,” I said, smirking. “I call this new perfume ‘Le Jungle grime et tropical BO.’ ” “Dirt and sweat. Very sexy. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #lol #love #otp #qué-romántico

Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #telepathy #funny

I want to take all the pain of humanity, ball it up into a compressed, black 16-pound sphere, add three holes in a triangular formation to it, and use it to bowl a strike. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humanity #pain #funny

She crushed it, telling herself she was going to add Big in front of her Idiot tattoo. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor

Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do? ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#dark-hunter #funny #nhumour #funny

Every other girl in school thinks you're the hottest thing since the microwave. ↗

— Linda Kage

#humour #funny

On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #money #odd

Who cares even if I didn't?!" Conor shouted back. "They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!" The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise. ↗

— Patrick Ness

#funny #humor #monster #sarcasm #funny