#hum

A writer’s brain is full of little gifts, like a piñata at a birthday party. It’s also full of demons, like a piñata at a birthday party in a mental hospital. The truth is, it’s demons that keep a tortured writer’s spirit alive, not Tootsie Rolls. Sure they’ll give you a tiny burst of energy, but they won’t do squat for your writing. So treat your demons with the respect they deserve, and with enough prescriptions to keep you wearing pants. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#humor #writers #writing #funny

Thank you for giving me the energy for my morning jog. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you about my low ceiling, or my ceiling fan, or the blender on the counter. ↗

— Bauvard

#energy-drinks #exercise #funny #humor #jogging

Yeah 220, 221 whatever it takes!" Michael Keaton character in "Mr. Mom ↗

— Mark Buff

#funny-humor #humor #humorous #funny

A blanket could be used to stimulate the topographical terrain of a mountainous region. Kind of makes you feel like God, if you think about it.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

It is a building designed by committee: all they have been able to agree on is that it should be rectangular, have windows, and not fall over. ↗

— Max Barry

#committees #humour #architecture

A brick could be used in conjunction with another brick to be the Democrat and Republican Presidential candidates. People will say, Vote for the brick on the left, or, The brick on the right is better. But do not be deceived—they're both the same, and they're both bricks.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a doorstop. But why bother? To promote an open-door policy, I had all the walls knocked down. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

If my semen had chunks of crumbled brick in it, would you use yogurt to try to impregnate your fireplace? 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#age #cannibal #cannibalism #death #food

Bricks could be used as words in the saying of a mason. When words and actions match up, you have a structure people could live in. It's a lot to live up to, and a lot to live in.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny