#humor

What police officer would dare ticket Death's minivan? ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#death

I was out of salt so I threw pepper over my left shoulder for luck and the poor guy behind me almost sneezed himself to death. ↗

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

#death

Mister Dresden is a diplomatically challenged individual. He should be in a shelter for the tactless. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#death

It's not what I'd want for at my funeral. When I die, I just want them to plant me somewhere warm. And then when the pretty women walk over my grave I would grab their ankles, like in that movie. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#death #funerals #humorous #death

An uncomfortable marriage can not bear the strain of the death of a beloved donkey. ↗

— Merrie Haskell

#humor #death

Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #die #goals #humor #immortal

Don’t be afraid, be terrified ↗

— Christopher Pike

#humor #death

Water is very bad for one’s health. People in third world countries seem to drink nothing but water, and they are always dying. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #health #humor #third-world #water

If you've got some hopelessly overmatched heroes fighting evil and some Imperial types marching, John Williams is your guy. You need a song to make people reach for a box of Kleenex, talk to Randy Newman. But if you want creepy atmospherics and spine-shivering chords to back up your casual death threats, you gotta bring in Danny Elfman. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#death

Just like old librarians, old coins are often more valuable than they appear at face value. ↗

— Kate Klise

#librarians #death