#humor

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to. ↗

— George Carlin

#philosophy #humor

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #internet #kids #teenagers #time-travel

I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#humor

Do you love him?" There were only a few people in the world who could ask me such insanely personal questions without getting punched. Dimitri was one of them. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #kick-ass #rose-hathaway #vampire-academy #humor

Disappointment came to me, and booted me, and bruised and hurt me, but that's how people grow up. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #lyrics #music #humor

If you're anorexic, you're doing it wrong." I swat him with a dish towel. "No, no, I mean anorexics look in the mirror, and even if they're eighty pounds, they still see a fat girl. I'm a hundred pounds heavier than I was in high school, my veins are full of creme fraiche, and yet I look in the mirror, take in the hair and makeup, and think, Damn, baby, you fiiine. ↗

— Jen Lancaster

#humor

Okay, seriously, I dont know if this is true or not, but I heard people who use profanity are trying to compensate for their lack of you know... size" -Tuck ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor #tuck #humor

He couldn’t see why people made such a fuss about people eating their silly old fruit anyway, but life would be a lot less fun if they didn’t. And there was never an apple, in Adam’s opinion, that wasn’t worth the trouble you got into for eating it. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor

Excruciating agony makes me cranky. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#pain #humor

You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On the Discworld we know that There Be Dragons Everywhere. They might not all have scales and forked tongues, but they Be Here all right, grinning and jostling and trying to sell you souvenirs. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#maps #humor