#humor

Despite her unrepentant aversion to Italian food, which her husband put down to her nation's historic distrust of Italy, she suddenly declared: "All I want in life is to be able to get a take-away pizza! ↗

— Julia Stuart

#humor #marriage #food

I thought we were going to take a 20-mule team out to the Grand Canyon and get a Bunsen burner and a bow and arrow, and whatever you can catch you cook. And it’s gotta be gourmet and it better look good. ↗

— The Creators of Top Chef

#food #humor #food

Then Jack turned to her. Safari? That was the best excuse you could come up with for me not being at a meeting?" She winced apologetically. "I'm sorry. I'm a terrible liar." What was wrong with simple sickness? A nice, normal bout of food poisoning?" He was in a bad mood. I kind of got carried away," she admitted. Boy, are you lucky I watched Tarzan so much as a kid. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#humor #food

If life gives you the wobbles make jelly. ↗

— Magdalena VandenBerg

#food #humor-inspirational #inspirational #food

You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage. Besides you don't build a better world by choppin' heads off and giving decent girls away to frogs. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

when the end came and there was initial chaos and rampant starvation, people learned all too well that you could not rely on stuff. You needed friends. A dead phone provided no companionship; an empty house no comfort. The latest fashions provided no food, but you could always eat a close friend. ↗

— Benjamin Wallace

#food

We drove out of New Paltz heading due north. Squeezed into my tiny hatchback, among our boxes and bags, were my dog, Nico, the hens, and the humming hive of bees, its openings covered over with tape. The dog eyed the hive, the chickens eyed the dog, and if the bees weren't nervous they were the only ones. ↗

— Kristin Kimball

#humor #food

The bourbon goes into the recipe, Miss Connor, not into you,” he’d said from directly behind me. He had a way of doing that, catching me in the act. I suppose the number of times I screwed up made me an easy mark. My spine straightened at the scolding, but my mouth did what it knew best. “Well, that’s just a waste of perfectly good bourbon if you ask me. ↗

— Jenny Lyn

#food-and-sex #humor #jenny-lyn #sarcasm #food

Welcome to Arizona, you bastard. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#arizona #christina #funny #humor #anger

Glaring at the doctor, Kev spoke in Romany. “Ka xlia ma pe tute.” (I'm going to shit on you.) “Which means,” Rohan said hastily, “ ‘Please for­give the misunderstanding; let's part as friends.’ ” “Te malavel les i menkiva,” Kev added for good mea­sure. (May you die of a malignant wasting disease.) “Roughly translated,” Rohan said, “that means, ‘May your garden be filled with fine, fat hedgehogs.’ Which, I may add, is considered quite a blessing among the Rom. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#forgiveness