#humor

Hm. Didn’t you use to be a lot smaller?” “Yes,” said Jinx. “Because I used to be six. ↗

— Sage Blackwood

#humor #humor

The chief drawback with men is that they are too talkative. ↗

— Marilyn Monroe

#humor

As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#humor #sarcasm #survival #humor

Falling in love is like that: you always feel like a dumbass at some point, even if you know it‘s coming — it‘s unavoidable. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#love #humor

A lang, lang time ago…” MacPhee began, ignoring St.Vincent’s low groan, “there was a bonnie maid called Malvina. She was the betrothed of Oscar, the braw warrior who won her heart. Oscar bade his beloved tae wait for him while he went tae seek his fortune. But one black day Malvina received word that her lover had been killed in battle. He would lie forever in eternal rest in the faraway hills…lost in endless slumber…” “God, I envy him,” St. Vincent said feelingly, rubbing his own dark-circled eyes. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#life #humor

Sleep with Seth Mortensen? Good grief. It was the most preposterous thing I'd ever heard. It was appalling. If I absorbed his life force, there was no telling how long it'd be until his next book came out. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. ↗

— Matt Groening

#humor

No matter where life takes me, you'll find me with a smile. Presumed to be happy, always laughing like a child. I never thought life could be this sweet! It's got me cheesing from cheek to cheek! ↗

— Mac Miller

#humor-inspirational #life #smile #humor

Lead me not into temptation. I can find the way myself. ↗

— Jane Seabrook

#temptation #humor

Why does that kid think so highly of himself?" "Kids that think they're so smart.They're everywhere! Destroy is self-esteem!" "Yes...I really do think highly of myself.People like me should get a taste of the ups and downs of life! Sorry I'm so envious.I will reflect upon this. Please don't be angry. "Ah..um.." "There, I said it now. Are you satisfied?" ........ "Bye bye!" Beat him.....Beat him until he reaches heaven...!!! -random people and Hiro-chan ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#basket #beat #chan #envious #fruit