#humor

What’s this ” “A needle.” “What should I do with it ” He’d walked right into it. Too easy. “Please use it to pop your head. It’s obscuring my view of the room. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #kate-daniels #saiman #humor

Love is blind, there was no doubt about it. In Tara's case it was also deaf, dumb, dyslexic, had a bad hip and the beginnings of Alzheimer's ↗

— Marian Keyes

#humor

The Destiny of Man is to unite, not to divide. If you keep on dividing you end up as a collection of monkeys throwing nuts at each other out of separate trees. ↗

— T.H. White

#unity #humor

I rolled my eyes." Has anyone told you you have the maturity level of a four-year-old? ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#humor

I want to reach in my pants, pull out my virginity, wrap it up and put a bow on it. Or maybe stick it in a gift bag from Target and give it to him like a present with a nice card that says, "Thank you for being you! Just a little virginity to show you may gratitude! ↗

— Tara Sivec

#humour #humor

There was a sound like a human yawn, and then the skull turned slightly toward me and asked, "What's up, boss?" "Evil's afoot." "Well, sure," Bob said, "because it refuses to learn the metric system. Otherwise it'd be up to a meter by now. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

As far as he was concerned, there were only two good positions for a human. A female on her back. And a male facedown not breathing. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

When the time comes to leap in faith whether you have your eyes open or closed or scream all the way down or not makes no practical difference. ↗

— Lois McMaster Bujold

#faith

...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?' Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it. I don't say it out loud, of course, because Jerry Lewis is a great philanthropist, Hitchens is very sick, and the third guy I made up. ↗

— Tina Fey

#feminism #humor #women #funny

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself. ↗

— Mark Twain

#wit #humor