#humor

Chickens have an uncanny sense of direction. ↗

Stupid English." "English isn't stupid," I say. "Well, my English teacher is." He makes a face. "Mr. Franklin assigned an essay about our favorite subject, and I wanted to write about lunch, but he won't let me." "Why not?" "He says lunch isn't a subject." I glance at him. "It isn't." "Well," Jacob says, "it's not a predicate, either. Shouldn't he know that? ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#grammar #humor #school #humor

Thank you for that, boy genius! Where did you graduate from? Hogwarts School for the Mentally Unbalanced? ↗

— Leia Shaw

#paranormal-romance #humor

If vampires ever spend less time playing theatrics and living down to their stereotypes, they might actually take over the world someday ↗

— Carrie Vaughn

#humor

Dennis looked at the puppy in the window. We both did. It was the oddest thing. Normally, puppies in pet store windows sleep or pee or roll around on top of other dogs. This one ignored us its window-mates and was instead sitting with its nose pressed against the glass, looking at us with an extremely serious little expression on its face. An expression that seemed to me to be saying, "I am a sacred cow. Get out your wallet. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#humor

Hank: As unbelievable as you may find this, Scott, we can do some things without your guidance. Warren: You're right, Hank! Why, did you know I went to the bathroom this morning- Hank: Not without Scott! Warren: Yes! ↗

— Jeff Parker

#x-men #humor

So hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, a falafel,or get married or something? ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #humor

It's human nay-cha...For me to sperminay-cha. ↗

— Megan McCafferty

#humor

Tad socked him. Hard. Twice. Someday the bad guys would realize monologues were a bad thing. ↗

— Vivian Arend

#humor

You will be so dead, dear Sister. Make telpon dari tadi kayak Kroasia ada di sebelah Jakarta aja. Huahahaha ↗