#humor

When the girl sitting at the next table looked away from a moment, Dirk leaned over and took her coffee. He knew that he was perfectly safe doing this because she would simply not be able to believe that this had happened. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

When they reached the stairs, he didn’t make her climb them herself. He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the big bathroom off their bedroom. He didn’t speak, his expression didn’t soften. But he was hard. His cock was like a poker, steely and hot against her hip. His eyes blazed with lust. ↗

— Lora Leigh

#lust #poker #sex #humor

Every man in Ingary is scared stiff of her. You ought to know how that feels, Sophie dear. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#humor

The wolf sniffed beneath the door to be sure this was a human cottage. The scent was undeniable. No pigs, except in bacon form. The wolf thought bacon form was a very sensible way for pigs to behave. ↗

— Vivian Vande Velde

#humor #pigs #wolves #humor

I feel like grabbing my crotch and checking to see if my balls are still there because I think they may be in her pocket and I need to get them back. ↗

— Katja Millay

#humor #josh-bennett #nastya-kashnikov #humor

After searching for a space, I parked behind the tattoo parlor in front of a sign that said NO PARKING. Since it didn't specify to whom it was referring, I figured it couldn't possibly be talking to me. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

Hmm. I suppose not everyone can have a cat's perfect night vision, but still..." Puck snorted. "Yeah, your perfect kitty vision does us no good if you don't warn us that something is coming once in a while. Poofing away doesn't count. This way, we can at least have a heads-up." The cat thumped his tail. "Additionally, you can paint a neon sign over our heads that says, 'Easy meal, follow the flashing lights. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#humor #puck #humor

At least you died and went to heaven ↗

— Nicole Williams

#humor #jude #luce #sex #humor

This boy was so far out of my league it was embarrassing. I found myself staring at him, trying to find some minute flaw that might justify dragging him back to my level. Finding nothing, I decided that having a dimple on only one cheek was practically a deformity. ↗

— G.J. Walker-Smith

#perfection #saving-wishes #humor

But what would they have said to their Liaison? It’s like this, Meg. We didn’t like that Asia Crane, so we ate her. When dealing with humans, honesty isn’t always the best policy, Vlad thought ↗

— Anne Bishop

#humor #predator #prey #vampires #humor