#humor

At the age of six, the criteria for handsome was simply: "Is he not related to me?" and "Have I seen him on television?" That was it. By this standard, Larry Bird, Dick Clark, and Andy Rooney. All handsome guys. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#age

I love the sunrise, but not as much as I love you. Will you pass me my midnight-black blindfold? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #sunrise #age

Love should last a lifetime. But not the lifetime of a giant tortoise. More like the lifespan of a gastrotrich. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

Even for the most excitable preacher, there was nothing inherently sinful about a waffle. ↗

— Simon Schama

#humor #waffle #age

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#condom #food #fruit #funny #humor

Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #wine #age

Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#humor #love #relationships #age

An aged monk led me to the infirmary. "He's got the place to himself. Once the other invalids learned there was a dragon coming they miraculously got well! The lame could walk and the blind decided they didn't really need to see. He's a panacea. ↗

— Rachel Hartman

#humor #miracles #age

Parker, I'm old," She said matter-of-factly. "I get away with these things." She continued to wave and smile wildly. "People treat me like an idiot so I'm allowed to act like one from time to time. It's one of the perks. ↗

— Abby Slovin

#humor #old-age #age

Those darling byegone times, Mr Carker,' said Cleopatra, 'with their delicious fortresses, and their dear old dungeons, and their delightful places of torture, and their romantic vengeances, and their picturesque assaults and sieges, and everything that makes life truly charming! How dreadfully we have degenerated! ↗

— Charles Dickens

#humor #irony #medieval #middle-ages #nostalgia