#humor

Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor

I have the death sentence in seven genres. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#death

Not just chubby fat, I'm talkin' gordo ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#death

The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#humor

Please don't die. ↗

— Randy Pausch

#humor #inspirational #love #science #tumor

Next time you wish to feed me poison, warn me first," Loor demanded. (The Merchant of Death) ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#death

Sorry to hear about your Dad." He shrugged. "He was seventy, and we always told him fast food would kill him." "Heart attack?" "He was hit by a Pizza Express truck. ↗

— J.A. Konrath

#fast-food #humor #pizza #death

if somebody doesn't call me a bitch once a day, I figure I'm not doing my job. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#death

Eve: “If you ended up naked and dead with another woman, I'd do the Rumba on your corpse.” Roarke: “You can't do the Rumba.” Eve: “I'd take lessons first.” Roarke: “You might very well. Not that you'll ever get the chance, but you'd also grieve.” Eve: “Wouldn't give you the satisfaction. You cheating f-wit putz. Roarke: “You'd weep in the dark and call my name.” Eve: “Call your name alright. How are things in hell? You dickless bastard. And I'd laugh and laugh, that's how I''d call your name.” Roarke: “Christ Jesus Eve, I love you.” --Eve, Roarke ↗

— J.D. Robb

#relationships #death

I will give you more pain than you can imagine. Your brains will leak out of your ears, and your bowels out of your ass. I will cause that to happen without leaving a mark, and every cop here will swear you died of natural causes. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#death